With the new year here I have for the few months been conditioning myself for what I would like to accomplish in 2015. I don’t know if it’s my age or maybe the fact that with all the adversity I have faced in my life I know these things can be accomplished or just plain tired of letting procrastination take charge I have put together a bucket list. For the most part I usually accomplish what I set out to do but this time I am writing it and letting it loose to the universe and the powers that be.
1- I want to take a class in blogging. Find a way to broaden my base in followers and follow others as well. I have found blogging to be an excellent way of writing and allowing the noise or as some say the voices to quiet down and become more focused. It has been a large help in helping me focus. It also let me keep a thread of essays that are naturally molding themselves.
2- Do my one man show that incorporates monologues and poetry. I want it to be all one fluid story that involves my singing, acting and dancing. I am no stranger to the stage and this will be challenging on all levels from writing to producing to acting in it. I am very well aware of the old rule that you are only as hot as your last performance. So with that being said doing this kind of show at this level makes it all the more intense and interesting for me while letting the world know of the many talents I possess that I rarely lead on.
3- Get my book printed and ready to be sold. It has been in the works for a little close to a year. I have the poetry to go in it but the essays seem to shift and change. As a true believer of life’s ebb and flow I understand that it will happen when it needs to. In the meantime I will continue to write and allow the forces that be to guide it.
4- It was in 2014 that I decided to give workshops on acting. Though it is exhausting because of my regular 9-5 work schedule no less it is a great feeling when you see the shift and change in someone when they find their voice and hear
conviction in what they perform. I wanted to give them what was given to me and instill in them a sense of a stronger identity, a more powerful sense of confidence. It has never been easy being of color and finding any platform in which to do your art, especially underground. I wanted to be a part of their process, a part of their growth. I mean listen if this tall, dark Hispanic man can do it so can you. There is an audience for everyone’s story.
5- I want to search deeper within and become even more comfortable with being alone. Though it’s a huge oxymoron that you want people to love what you do and come out and support, being an artist you still have to be selfish with writing and performing what you choose to tell. You write in hopes that it inspires others. You write hoping that the silent voice out there finally knows they are not alone. That if they choose to speak out they are not alone. This is a battle that I had to confront at all costs. The price was heavy but I survived. it brought me to my knees. in all the years that I have been drug free it was the first time in 20 years that when it hit me it made me want to run and get high. I wanted to numb and not feel. For me that was the scariest thing in the world. The scariest things was not using drugs but working through the feelings of not using and understanding it was not going to kill me. Being able to sit in my pain and work through it. That’s its OK to have battles scars after all is said and done. Those will also heal as well. Releasing yourself and believing it will all be fine. Being a child that was constantly seeking and disappointed this was a huge step for me.I forgot how strong I was. It awoke in me a sense of perspective that I had lost.
So this is my bucket list. It is short but a huge thing for me.