WHERE I CAME FROM, WHERE I AM GOING

I learned writing, reading and math at school but my Masters in life I got from the streets. All these heartbreaks and love coupled with laughs and tears was never taught in school. Trust is defined in the dictionary as- to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, but Lord knows it was experience with others that gave me the true definition of trust. I’ve always given to the world the way I wanted it given to me but I learned that this is not a great thing to do. When going through the pain and hurt the biggest lesson was to not become jaded after the experience. Not to become scared of trying it over again. In between all these experiences you try to grasp where you left off and try not to do the same mistakes and get it together to start it all over again. Through the pain you try to grab the pieces that belong to you and only you so you don’t carry extra weight that has nothing to do with you into the next experience. If you are evolving and in constant motion there is another lesson coming right around the bend. That is where I am at now in my life.

I was the wild child. Since young I knew that I didn’t see things the same. I was the one that questioned everything. I was the one that dipped the finger in the cake bowl when no one was looking and with chocolate smudges around my lips told you I didn’t do it. Did I get burned, scathed or beaten? Absolutely! Did I have any regrets? None!!! There are some experiences in my life I care not to repeat but I wouldn’t take them away because it added to the story, it added to me, it made me a little more whole to the man I am to become. It was a necessary thing that I had to grow through to become this man, this person that would be able to go to the next level.  I needed to learn them in order to pass go and collect $200. Those experiences gave me resilience. It gave me a warrior stance and a will to live that no one can take away from me. I can honestly say that for a while I forgot that I had it in me. My experiences absolutely were setting me up for what was to come in my life as I went along.

I am very aware that there are things that I am still naïve to and that’s ok. I truly believe that if you walk around life thinking you know everything then you will have stopped your process for living and learning. If I may add that is a fear everyone should have. Never stop living and never stop learning. Life is a constant progression. It is a forever evolution of spirit and soul. Till my old age I shall always want to be learning something. I just pray that as I get older the lessons are more enjoyable and less tragic. I think that is where age comes in. I hope that age blesses me with grace and a sense of humor that so many before me have attained from living in adversity.   Mommy always told me- Hijo you have to learn to laugh at life otherwise it will kill you. Laughing makes it bearable. The many times I have seen my mother just get up and blare the music to the highest volume and just dance and keep it moving while laughing is forever engraved in my mind. It was right after those moments that she was able to breathe a little better. She was more bearable. She was able to grab the bull by the horns and make the best of any situation. Looking at my life as an adult and looking at what my mother went through and how she held us down I will always tip my hat off to her. I am not saying she was graceful at all times but she never ever gave up on living. She was a woman for her children and grandson. She hustled and made sure she gave the best of her herself the only way she knew how. She was relentless. She was focused. What mommy said she was going to do she did and nothing and no one got in her way. I can say that I am happy I got that part from her.

Renewal for one’s sense of self is such an integral part. Without it there is no change, there is no sense of wanting to reach for more that is entitled to you with great work ethics and a deep sincere respect for life behind it. Understanding that everyone and everything has a space within it all makes this journey a respectable one for not only myself but for others that come into it.

When in my teens I thought I was grown. When I reached my 20’s I thought I made it only to realize that it was the teens of adulthood. Hitting my 30’s breathing was a bit more easier but focus and determination became gifts to utilize. Now in my 40’s it’s absolutely amazing to me that there is a purpose to live and love in it’s entirety. That to know what you choose to be a part of or not is truly liberating

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