It’s May 28th and I took this day to stay in my own space. I did a lot of reflecting. It was 21years ago from the date that in my life occurred a huge turn of events. These events have forever transformed me in the most positive way. It became the turning point of all things I have become and yet to be. 21 years ago I was on my 6th day of binging on drugs with no sleep, looking for a sense of piece and completely clueless. I was so numb to the spirit, to life, to everything around me. Life for me was turning a trick, getting drugs and going right back to the streets to repeat this maddening process. I lived life as a robot. I didn’t put thought in what I was doing. I was in the grips of a hell bent existence of drugs and all I knew was that this life I was living was bringing me to an early grave. I felt nothing. There was no pain, no sorrow, no hurt but along with that was also no joy, no happiness, no smiles. I was dead internally. The sight of me was pitiful! I tipped the scales at 125lbs (I’m 200lbs now and still thin so you can just imagine the way I looked). I had sunken eyes, shallow cheeks with no expression with my head sitting on anorexic shoulder blades where my mother was able to fit her fist in. You were able to count every rib. I looked like a child that was famished from food when I was famished from emotion and spirit. It was this day 21 years ago that I hit such a bottom that it allowed me the strength to rise. It was the day I had made a serious conversation with GOD. I gave him an ultimatum and he answered within the time frame. It was then and there I honored the promise and got myself together. I believe it was prayers from my close friends, family members, and my mother that interceded and hit me at the right time. I have never looked back since then.
Today I embrace the hurt child that was bitter because all that was around me never embraced me. Today I am able to walk with my head up high and defend myself with all my flaws. Today is when I can look at myself and be proud of the man I have become. That this life I lead is on my terms. That I love the way I love regardless of the hurt and treason I have endured. That I don’t grow bitter due to circumstances. That today I can assume responsibility. That the relationship I have with the GOD of MY understanding is mine and mine alone. That I have a set of particular friends that have known me before and after this re-birth and love me unconditionally. I am proud that today I can be there for my mother to the best of my ability. That I am able to give her what she so freely gave me all my life.
So with this I say Happy Anniversary to me and to life. That I give all thanks to GOD that every day of my life I choose to live it. That he continues to give me the inspiration to push on. That he allows me to be able to laugh at the bad as well as the good. That the lessons continue because to stop learning is to stop living.