L-O-V-E & ALL IT’S MESSES

Now let’s talk about this L-O-V-E. Too many songs, too many stories, too many dramas and Lord knows too many tragedies. The list goes on and on. Every person claims it, seeks it, wants it. We become either better behind this or become jaded till a point that every relationship wether platonic or not ends up with the luggage of the last experience. I don’t know of any gay person that did not suffer at least 2 or more heartbreaks, wasn’t made cautious from the last relationship or is jaded that they trust no one. For someone to date them they are going to get a run for their money.

I need to say that being a gay man as far back as I can remember LOVE was the ultimate goal. It is not an easy thing to acquire being raised in a world that looks down upon being gay let alone finding another person that is comfortable in their own skin, or at least as comfortable as you are in yours. being in an amorous relationship to us is the equivalent to heterosexual imitating. I need to say that as someone of experience this is a huge process for every gay person. Like all process’ it is also happens at different intervals and ages. Some get it real quick while others have to get hurt a few times before they realize that they need to slow down on the emotional crap. that it is more than just wanting to be with someone.

For gay men this is not easy. There is always the not being accepted at home thing which if you ask me brings a baggage that says I am too be ashamed to be myself, something is wrong with me or I should just hide. Then there are the parents that throw their children in the streets. This affects us more than we care to speak of. what is an automatic safety zone for us is now a hurtful place filled with no hope and a lot of despair and fear.

Whatever the story may be it all sums up to us as individuals wanting the love and with it the perks of acceptance, happiness and joy. Is that too much to ask for, HELLO!!!   I wish that most of the population didn’t have to go through all the drama. Just for the sake of being in love, for the sake of saying I am with someone. It would be great I guess but it is scary cause I have seen people change right before my eyes just so as not to lose the other person. Lose their own identity of self just to keep that person only to realize that when that relationship ends they are totally lost and have no clue of who they are. The healing process takes longer than usual, if the person is even aware that there is even a healing process. Well I needed to write all these thoughts down cause some of these poems bring back emotions of this same thing.

Looking back I can’t believe that I couldn’t see the bad boys coming. All because I fell in love quickly cause they said the things that I like to hear, the things that I wanted to hear. Not knowing that it was all game to them. Pulling the strings and already knowing that their intentions for me were wrong from jump start. For the record I was one of those that had to hit the wall a couple of times before I caught the lies and the deceit. Then there is the great master of them all- loving the wrong type of man, the BAD BOY.

This was my love story for many years. You know the type- they are not really gay but mess around on the down low, secretly, on the hush. Those are the worst ones. For me they possess all the benefits of the things I want. Protection, a sense of safety , rugged, look intimidating. WOW!!!   Mama always told me to be careful about those type of boys and she had every right to. Lost in those eyes and the lips and the way they approach me . I should’ve already told them I’m in love and I want them. It was that obvious. Now I am a whole lot better and I need to tell you that I am not so quick and put up a pretty hard game. Cause if there is one thing these boys love is the chase. It is in their nature and they know.

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