There can be just no way on earth that they know what I am thinking. I mean there are many times that you look at someone and your mind wanders. Yeah you think of how it would be to kiss or beat up or what made them walk out the house like that. But did they really just write what I felt?
You don’t mean it to sound evil or stuck up or that you are better than, it’s just that it boggles one’s mind. At times I can place myself in those worn out shoes and kinda understand the scream for uniqueness or the battle within to find a piece of you that makes it enough to be comfortable. I get it.
Then I get to place myself out of those shoes and understand that for many of you it’s a walk you will have to experience. It is part of your own individual process you must embrace and embark on. The trick is not to hate yourself when you make mistakes. The success is being able to pat yourself on the back when you start finding those pieces of yourself that you just know will stay as they are. It is the wanting to get up, dust yourself off and be happy knowing that the success was in trying not exactly accomplishing.
There are some of us that to wake up daily is the struggle and the win is accomplishing just that.
What I can tell you is that if you have made it this far, regardless of the hardship or tribulations or the hard knocks then you are on the right path. A wise old man told me once when I was young –the devil never bothers you when you’re on the wrong track, he only bothers you when you’re on the right one.
I truly believe that it isn’t until you are working and doing and striving and producing and creating in what your spirit really loves that you will find pure bliss. Doesn’t necessarily have to be something that you will make millions off of but as long as you are in it the joy and rewards you will receive on all the facets of your life is amazing. I know I do. I am not the best writer around. I am not super scholar and proper but I am authentic to me. I am true to my words and what I feel and what I experience. They are mine. No one can take them away from me. The experience is mine and mine alone. I have been laying pen to paper since I can remember. When I was a pre-teen I wrote all my angsts and philosophical questions about life. You know the ones like- where am I going?, What am I doing?, Will love come my way?. I laugh just writing it now. It was in mym teens that I purged my crushes in a world where I was scared of speaking out. The paper and pen made it truth for me. It made it tangible. Being a kid that couldn’t really talk a lot of my personal stuff it was the paper and pen that allowed me to have that place that I can go to and be safe to just write. In the hardest times of my life, from being shunned in church, to being an addict, to just finding the new me when I left the streets, the pen and paper never let me down. It was faithful to me because I was faithful to it (if only people in our lives could get that concept lol).
Within the experience of these last 2years I must say they were there. Paper waiting to be filled with all that I have to let go of and never once complaining. Pen making sure I see it in color so I can’t deny what I wrote. Capturing every transition and every block. Never once being judgmental (did I say it wish people were like this).
This writing life I wouldn’t trade it for a thing. I don’t compare myself to no one. I write from truth. I write because sometimes verbally I just can’t. I really don’t know what I would do if I didn’t write. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy and love to act, to sing (lots of people, don’t know I can) and I simply exist to dance (another fact no one knew. I actually was a dancer first) but writing does something for me that these other talents don’t. It instills a sense of grounding and a feeling of wholeness. I don’t know what life is if it doesn’t have an empty book at all times in all my bags that I own.
So if you’re a writer on any level, don’t stop. Don’t be intimidated by other writers. Write something every day even of it is just 3 sentences. Never be scared of letting loose. Always write for you not for someone else. It is a gift. Many have dies so us of color can write and read and express. So move forward. Hope that this brings you as much joy as it continues to give me.
So when I read something I can identify with I always say there is no way on earth that they can know this but then I smile knowing that I am on the right track.