I like to think of myself as strong. I wasn’t always like this. A lot of this strength comes through this road of life. Those weird unexpected twists and turns life grants you to show you lessons. Some of it I acquired through past loves that were saturated in unrequited daddy’s that cared to show me the nasty things they do when they and their mommy’s close the door! Some of this strength was formed when I was finding myself behind a crack pipe or in dark alleys or on all 4’s when I was searching for the next fix. Some of this strength you see before you came through realizations of this huge tryst that I was having with the Holy Trinity. Having to come to terms that the angry, jealous, always punishing GOD you praised is not the same loving, understanding, peaceful GOD that I’ve always known. This strength that I own was given to me from the ancestral whispers that comforted me when I found myself curled in fetus positions on many abandoned buildings as they comforted me through heroin shakes and betrayed heart. This strength has scarred tattoos on it with betrayal, hurt, pain, self-deprecation written all over its body but also have survival, chutzpah, relentless and badass written in boldface as well.
It wasn’t till I reflected and saw and experienced and tasted and compared that I was able to say – Yes you are strong. Stronger than you can imagine. Stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t care to repeat but I just wouldn’t change any struggle, fight, cry, pain, hurt, betrayal, manipulation I have had to go through to become this fucking STRONG!!!!