DEAR FUTURE

Dear Future,How the fuck are ya? For the past 2 years I have been having these conversations with you and I can say I kinda like the way we have been going. At first I was utterly scared inviting you in because I just didn’t know what you were made of, what you came with. And you know I never liked those moments where unpredictability can be a major factor. But I opened up. I allowed myself to look at you and see you for exactly what you was. I want to apologize for not knowing you. For working so hard and never once putting you in the plans. When this realization came to me I must say that I had to sit with it for a minute. Like here I am working a regular job and hustling hard on the side with theater and singing and working on myself and directing and writing and producing with never once realizing that somewhere along the way you would re-introduce yourself and just nudge me to notice your presence. Then when I did I had to laugh because as with most things in life the most obvious is usually the least that I notice, like when I was a teenager and I always complained no one was interested in me but so many guys were and I was oblivious. So there you were coming to me with endless possibilities and me coming to meet you with every single excuse and fear as to why I wouldn’t talk to you or even acknowledge that you was there. Damn you sure are patient. If that was me I would of left but not you. You stood and just waited your turn. You can imagine how surprised I was when I had to end up throwing fear and doubt out whenever I sat with you and we both spoke about life, about relationships, about death, about us. I think the hardest part was reflecting who I was and who I have become and especially who I am becoming. That in order for me to be OK with you in my life I had to actually embrace all these facets of me and become willing to go for it, eyes closed and jump. It almost feels like going a blind date, you go with no expectations and always look for the best outcome. I had to keep all my insecurities at bay and I must say thank you for putting the mirror in front of my face and making me understand that I am not at all that different and that most things are attainable but that it begins with me

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