#17 AUTHENTICALLY YOU

I don’t know if it’s my age on this earth or maybe the experiences I have had to face in this life way before becoming a young man or maybe it’s entering recovery and constantly having to dig deep within but a life goal to live an AMAZING and productive life is to be authentic. It’s to be authentic to you, yourself and only you. This journey called life has to have a goal (even if your not one of those goal oriented kinda people) and it will, trust me, end with you being true to you on every level. What makes this hard is the stereotyping that society already has us under. It’s as if they already have this dumb list as to how far or how we as a person, as a culture ARE supposed to be. Please not only is it extremely limited to who we are it’s insulting as fuck. Like if I had a dollar for every time someone told me that no one would be interested in hearing my story or that because I am gay I can only be so much of a man I’d be dead already. There’s other bullshit lies that society has told me like I’ll never become a better person because I was an addict or that I’ll never find love because of my blasphemous lifestyle (this one makes me chuckle every time). 
To be authentic requires digging! Not surface either, though in the beginning it will do. But eventually it will take some serious sitting down and just not being scared of what parts are you and which ones are not. It’s owning the ugly and making it either acceptable enough to work through it or just throwing it out understanding it’s not going to fit in your journey anymore. It requires lots of tears and lots and lots of forgiving. At first you’ll resist thinking certain individuals don’t deserve it but when you come to the understanding that the forgiveness of them is really for you it will be worth it all. That is one of the hardest lessons I gave had to learn and at times digest slowly was the forgiveness. How do I expect to be authentically me if I harbor and hate? I am old enough to own my shit. Can’t say that’s pleasurable all the time but if I’m to know myself it is to my utmost self care to own the kart I okay. That includes embracing my ugly, my flaws, me imperfections, my rage and my shortcomings. 

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