#20 I KNEW THIS

The other day I came upon some old flyers from clubs that I use to go to. These flyers were during the Freestyle and 90’s house music era. The memories that are attached to these incredible exciting times of my nightlife in NYC are epic. As I started looking through them I was automatically transported to a time in my life that really had not many worries. I ate, shitted, talked and breathed dancing. I had a tribe, a group of friends that was considered family to its core. We all loved, laughed, danced, partied together. We understood each other and there was never strife like that. It was seriously magical. Till this day we are all close. 
When I finished looking at the flyers, with a huge smile on my face I put them back in this box that I had them in. I put the box back in the closet. I sat on the bed and it was when I exhaled that it hit me. This feeling of awareness but pain at the same time. It didn’t make me cry but what it did do was keep me still,?just staring off with a blank stare on my face but aware of just sound. It was in that moment of stillness that the memories once again played themselves out but in fast forward mode, it was a blur but still being able to maintain the faces of us, the group, the tribe. It was in that flash of moment that I saw us as who we were broken. How we were family to each other at a time when life was just way to hard for us to bare. We helped each other at a time where self reflecting was mental suicide. We needed each other’s company so that our everyday life didn’t overwhelm us. With us as a group together there was acceptance in a silent way. There was this love that showed itself in camaraderie. Sometimes words were not even said and we just knew that together we were not going to get eaten alive from the nightmares that was our youthful life. How the music and dancing and singing healed more deeper than hugs and kisses. 

This moment that lasted minutes revealed an epiphany that had attached to it a longing of brother/sisterhood. When the moment passed I knew that I was blessed. That through all the madness something greater than us as a whole had always had its hand in our lives. That we were always weaving magic even when we weren’t aware of it.  

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