#22 BEING GAY ISNT ALWAYS HAPPY

I was always gay. As far as I can remember and I’m talking 5 years of age I have always been gay. I have always liked boys and all my best friends were girls. I was also very feminine. It wasn’t a secret that I was gay. It was a secret to me that everyone knew but not to my family. I played with Barbie’s and mastered Double Dutch. Collected the best caps for hopscotch and Skelzzies. There was a price to pay for being so open about myself. Not to mention that I was naive. Believing that everyone that smiled was a friend In my pre-teen and teens i was teased. I had to learn how to be quick with my fists and my tongue. I can say that I fought at least 2-3 times a week for s couple of years in my youth. With that much practice after a while you tend to kind of settle things quickly by any means necessary. I had to find my happy place and definitely had to pick my tribe. That was through a lot of trial and error. It took some time but I found those that embraced me. It didn’t mean I was exempt from the hardships of finding me. It was in that journey that the unhappy came in. It was never all giggles and unicorns. Now I am not saying that everyone has a great happy storybook life. That is not what I am saying. What I am saying is being gay comes with its own trials and tribulations unique to the lifestyle. It is a know fact that it will have its missing pieces, a guarantee that it will be the one of love and soul searching. It will involve finding yourself and how you fit in the whole life puzzle. The finding a partner in a world that does not embrace you and I don’t care how free and liberal this world may be. Not everyone gay is OK being out with theirs. It’s about having to find your voice and not being embarrassed of scared of offending those who can’t stomach the sight of you let alone the sound of your voice. You shouldn’t give a fuck but you won’t acquire that attitude till later. It is about finding your spirituality where it doesn’t in involve a hateful spewing, judgmental, unforgiving GOD. It’s finding a comfortability in your skin that allows you to move and dig inside without it making you feel less than who you are permitting depression and anxiety to run rampant in your mind. The journey of finding your courage and not being over ruled by fear. Finding the ultimate you in spite of what the world has tried to make you believe is a huge and constant battle. Being gay is not always happy. It’s will come with it’s guaranteed hardship. 

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